He Who Listens, Speaks

     Always talk to people as if you agree with them, even if you don't.

     The reason for this is that most people (and by most I mean, like, 99% of all humans) are - despite what you and probably they think - inherently insecure. We all have some doubt about our beliefs, and when people point out those fears to us through disagreeing, our doubts are affirmed. Let's break this down real fast: Iner security and confidence come from knowledge and knowledge gives us an understanding of the world and what we want to work towards. So without any knowledge we become lost and can't possibly succeed in life. This dependency makes the protection of our beliefs become religious because any attack to our knowledge is a attack to our system of living and, in turn, us.

     As a result of all this, when you critique someone's beliefs they will feel attacked and go on the defensive. When this happens they are no longer really listening for fear that you might say something they doubt about themselves, affirming that doubt. And most likely you have fallen into the exact same problem which ends up painting a picture of two people yelling, screaming, waving their hands in anger, and not listening to a word the other is saying.

     So, how do we deal with this? We can't always agree with everyone, that's just simply impossible. What we do is talk to them like we agree, like we're on the same side. When you do this, people aren't being attacked anymore so they now open up.

     Some particulars: never try to say anything really extreme, this is the surest way to get people's warning bells ringing. Try things more along the lines of "so I saw this thing that said _____ what do you think of that?" or "I was thinking the other day that this ______ might work, what do you think?" rather than "this is how it is and if you disagree with me you're stupid!" (I really know people who start conversations like that). Always ask them their thoughts and listen attentively. Don't feel rushed to throw in your thoughts, a little patience never hurt anyone. Always give your ideas as suggestions or questions, this makes people feel like you appreciate their opinion more and will make them more likely to listen to your thoughts and ask your opinion on things.

     I think this a really important issue in our world, no one listens to anyone. I see so many problems come from people that could totally agree, but won't because of past hurt. All I'm trying to say is this; be contentious, try to think about the other person and what they are saying rather then just what you are going to say next. One of the devils greatest ways of getting us is through non-existent quarrels amongst ourselves. Think of how far we could get if we just listened to each other.