"Some are more equal than others"

   Although I consider it indisputable that we should treat all with kindness; sometimes our desire to make everyone fit in, makes no one stand out.

     An example of this can be found in my own life: There have been many kind and thoughtful people in my life, many who have found it their calling in life to help and improve the lives of others. People that are kind to everyone, in the same way, lack, not sincerity, but a source to dispel the impersonal nature of their relationships. When someone comes up to me and acts friendly and warm but then goes to the next person with the same reaction, I feel betrayed. I feel little connection with someone who treats everyone - albeit inadvertently - like they are merely a project that can be helped through a scripted address.

     Why do I feel this hurt? Because I don't feel special. When surrounded by so many other people on this earth, it is natural for us to want to feel a sense of individuality. When you are treated the same as everyone else, you are being denied the opportunity of individualism. This desire to stand out is a part of humanity. The person that blends in misses opportunities to interact with other out-reaching people. You get shoved in a corner. This rejection - although indifferent in selection - affirms inner fears of our own imperfections.

     Contrast that to another example in my life: I have an older cousin named Blair. Throughout our childhood he always represented coolness in my mind; he excelled at things physical in nature and he had a good nature and likability that attracted everyone toward him. He was always nice to everyone and treated everyone kindly, but he always treated me like I was special. Even when I was a little, bashful child (three years younger than he) he always made sure that I knew he thought I was cool. This extra effort toward one individual caused a much great effect than a little bit of effort toward a large group of people. This also exceeds the less potent efforts of many other people toward myself. This principle has a rippling effect; Because of his attention to me, I was able to grow and now extent that friendship toward others. 

     Does this mean we have to only befriend a select few? Of course not. I would, however, caution you from becoming too rote in your conversing. Always try to connect with people. Try to figure out what they find important and relate to them on that note. Find something important/special about them; everyone has something special about them when you get to know them better.

     When it comes down to it, what really matters is your intent. Too often I see people that are trying to make others feel good or happy. This is good, but it's not best. I think we should be striving to have people feel their own greatness. To have people feel not good, but special. And the only way for this to happen is when they see our sincere belief in their greatness.

He Who Listens, Speaks

     Always talk to people as if you agree with them, even if you don't.

     The reason for this is that most people (and by most I mean, like, 99% of all humans) are - despite what you and probably they think - inherently insecure. We all have some doubt about our beliefs, and when people point out those fears to us through disagreeing, our doubts are affirmed. Let's break this down real fast: Iner security and confidence come from knowledge and knowledge gives us an understanding of the world and what we want to work towards. So without any knowledge we become lost and can't possibly succeed in life. This dependency makes the protection of our beliefs become religious because any attack to our knowledge is a attack to our system of living and, in turn, us.

     As a result of all this, when you critique someone's beliefs they will feel attacked and go on the defensive. When this happens they are no longer really listening for fear that you might say something they doubt about themselves, affirming that doubt. And most likely you have fallen into the exact same problem which ends up painting a picture of two people yelling, screaming, waving their hands in anger, and not listening to a word the other is saying.

     So, how do we deal with this? We can't always agree with everyone, that's just simply impossible. What we do is talk to them like we agree, like we're on the same side. When you do this, people aren't being attacked anymore so they now open up.

     Some particulars: never try to say anything really extreme, this is the surest way to get people's warning bells ringing. Try things more along the lines of "so I saw this thing that said _____ what do you think of that?" or "I was thinking the other day that this ______ might work, what do you think?" rather than "this is how it is and if you disagree with me you're stupid!" (I really know people who start conversations like that). Always ask them their thoughts and listen attentively. Don't feel rushed to throw in your thoughts, a little patience never hurt anyone. Always give your ideas as suggestions or questions, this makes people feel like you appreciate their opinion more and will make them more likely to listen to your thoughts and ask your opinion on things.

     I think this a really important issue in our world, no one listens to anyone. I see so many problems come from people that could totally agree, but won't because of past hurt. All I'm trying to say is this; be contentious, try to think about the other person and what they are saying rather then just what you are going to say next. One of the devils greatest ways of getting us is through non-existent quarrels amongst ourselves. Think of how far we could get if we just listened to each other.